My name is Danielle and his is Dan Christian Villanueva; he is known as Papa Dan. I do not mind posting his real name in here because I ain't a popular blogger. I do not even know if anyone reads or care to read my blog. Dan and I are sort of friends, and definitely not a couple. We're friends -- that's the most I can tell you, though I believe we never treated each other like that because, to be honest, we're just acquainted. For me I even feel like he is just obliged to talk to me because I'm a member of his fan group, that is, Dan_drops. I do not even know how it happened .He's a celebrity and I'm a fan. "At least you get in touch with him once in a while" a friend would say. Oh how I wish I can turn back the time when we were both “no one” and “others” to one another. I would like to start over again and change a lot of things. Yes, we've known each other for more than a year now, go out of town twice, been in a vidoeoke party which he organized once, I've been visiting him and the other djs for a million times already. And yet, I feel like we are strangers to one another.
I find it hard to break the ice between us. Panic is what I get every time this celebrity nears me. It seems like my mind tells me a lot of things such what to do, to relax a bit because it's OA, or think of other things because he is just a man, man named papa dan. The last increases the panic, until the whole system shuts down. Thus, I become the quiet, an agreer, a careful, a pretentious usual fan. But that isn't me. I'm the total opposite whom you might be surprised to know. I have never allowed you to know the real me. Whenever you speak a word directly address to me, my mind gets blank, my tongue twists, my words are crumpled, my heart beats rapidly, my sympathetic system is activated then I'm dead.
There were times that I thought of initiating a conversation. True, starting a conversation to someone you look up to is the half of the battle. And so I back out. Damn I do not know what to do. The question isn't always when, but how. (obviously not why? HAHAHA.) How to say things I've been practicing inside my room? How to act whenever he's in front? How to be me? It sucks. I actually know what to do, that is to remove semantic noise: FEAR. Fear that he might not like the sudden change, the eventually new me. Danielle who is loud, careless, and very random. Ohhh. Stupid me!
I want to know you more Papa Dan, but I want you to know me better.
I find it hard to break the ice between us. Panic is what I get every time this celebrity nears me. It seems like my mind tells me a lot of things such what to do, to relax a bit because it's OA, or think of other things because he is just a man, man named papa dan. The last increases the panic, until the whole system shuts down. Thus, I become the quiet, an agreer, a careful, a pretentious usual fan. But that isn't me. I'm the total opposite whom you might be surprised to know. I have never allowed you to know the real me. Whenever you speak a word directly address to me, my mind gets blank, my tongue twists, my words are crumpled, my heart beats rapidly, my sympathetic system is activated then I'm dead.
There were times that I thought of initiating a conversation. True, starting a conversation to someone you look up to is the half of the battle. And so I back out. Damn I do not know what to do. The question isn't always when, but how. (obviously not why? HAHAHA.) How to say things I've been practicing inside my room? How to act whenever he's in front? How to be me? It sucks. I actually know what to do, that is to remove semantic noise: FEAR. Fear that he might not like the sudden change, the eventually new me. Danielle who is loud, careless, and very random. Ohhh. Stupid me!
I want to know you more Papa Dan, but I want you to know me better.
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